I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
