Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
That accounts for only three of the penises
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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