I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
