we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
