So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
