May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
