i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
