I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Plan B is the new Plan A
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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