I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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