i think i have herpe
just one?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
