I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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