Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
