god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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