Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
