I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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