I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
