how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
