Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
