I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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