I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
