thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
