Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
