i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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