Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
