what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
