Nicole vs. Life
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
