you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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