I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
