Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
