He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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