Im at strip club and am horny
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
