I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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