I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
