there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
