I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
i think my cat just said my name.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
