The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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