Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
