Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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