Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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