it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
