when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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