Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
