HIV tests are more positive than that guy
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
