She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
