The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
