Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
