Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
