we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He did a backflip because drugs
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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