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I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
