And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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