The maid of honor just puked.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
