trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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