so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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