we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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